Scandal

by ER

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
    Purchasable with gift card

      name your price

     

1.
2.
02:27
3.
02:43
4.
5.
01:53
6.
7.
02:10
8.
9.
03:25

credits

released September 17, 2017

license

tags

about

ER

Less country than Robbie Fulks, less rock-and-roll than Steve Poltz, less uninhibited than Rhett Miller, less political than Billy Bragg, less fastidious than Josh Ritter... something for every clever song lover!

contact / help

Contact ER

Streaming and
Download help

Track Name: She Reads Vonnegut
If you're wondering about the one thing
That I want to do with you right now
It's not what you think, I'm afraid to blink
You're a card trick, I'm amazed by your reveals
Oh yeah, you give me all the feels....

Will this year of first kisses never end?

It was winter, I was into her
She had drumsticks and a scorpion tattoo
At the ball park, when it got dark,
I held her hand and then her face was tangent mine
Sublime, sweeter than Clementine....

Roller skating, she's debating
About getting serious, ain't that how grown-ups act?
She's a trollop, and I fall up
I get nervous when she walks into the room
I'm stunned, she has me outspoken, out-gunned....

She reads Vonnegut, and I want to get
Off the shelf and in between her fingertips
I don't hurt, I ache
But make no mistake
When we touch, it's like volcanoes in our blood
It boils, my bamboo heart uncoils...
Track Name: Bons Vivants
Scandal: you and me in a corner booth, treating closing time like a suggestion
Vertigo and butterflies, just because you put your hand in mine

Two cars, side by side in the parking lot, carnations in the back seat while we sing
Harmonies to songs we thought might turn into our Courteney Cox connections
Emily says the heart wants what it wants
Mine wants to return to all the places
We were bons vivants
Crooked: paths we took to find each other
Heartbreak and divorce and graduations
Leave the office early, cross the state line on the way home after dark

Shelter: all the drama melts away
I say the code, you answer with the password
Pictures over telephones remind us of the bookstores that we haunt

Emily says the heart wants what it wants
Mine wants to return to all the places, trace my fingers down your back in all the spaces
We were bons vivants
Track Name: Cupid
All of my previous encounters
With girls in sundresses and practical shoes
Ended prematurely with a walk through a museum
Coffee shop coffee and the driving home blues

If I had to pick just one superpower
I wouldn't choose flight or a bottomless purse
Girls in sundresses already keep their distance
Turning invisible could only make it worse

Let me be endowed with the powers of Cupid
It's not so stupid, think of all that I could do
Nudge the cheerleader a little closer to the new kid
Batman and the Joker on a bicycle for two

Jeune fille walking by the Seine in a sundress
A well placed arrow with a pheromone tip
Would it be unethical, would it be immoral
To turn her gaze to me with a quiver in my grip?

If Sam Cooke were to write me a letter
Begging for assistance with a problem I could fix
I would have to spend some time debating my dilemma
Would he stop singing once the chemistry clicks?

My sidekick scientist would help me make improvements
Trade out my bow for a double bandolier
Blue state, red state, Moses and Mohammed
Manchester United taking Chelsea for a beer

Let me be endowed with the powers of Cupid
It's not so stupid, think of all that I could do
Nudge the cheerleader a little closer to the new kid
Putin and Obama on a bicycle for two
Track Name: The Ballad of Haggis McMuffin
Haggis McMuffin loves his whiskey in the morning
More than a squirrel loves its nuts
I like the sweet potato fries at Lucky Platter [1:1]
But I love you more

There's a castle on the hill
There's a spaceship in the sky
Take my hand before the king of fools declares the end,
the end is nigh [1:2]

Romeo and what's-her-face were briefly lovers
Ahab and Moby had a thing [1:3]
Mulder and Scully have been valentines for ages
You and I longer still

There's a castle on the hill
There's a spaceship in the sky
Take my hand before the king of fools declares the end,
the end is nigh

I will love you always even when there are no zip codes
Or wi-fi[1:4] on demand

There's a spaceship on the hill
There's a castle in the sky
Take my hand before the king of fools declares the end,
the end is nigh
Track Name: Owl, Owl
Luke is a little boy
He has a business card
It says he'll sell you some real estate
If you can show him that you have a good credit score

Luke is a little boy
He has the longest hair
Of anyone in this house
He'll tell you he's going to
Grow up to be a grown-up
Luke is a little boy
He's not a Democrat
Or a Republican
This year he's thankful for cupcakes
He would like to eat five

Luke is a little boy
He rides a rocking horse
Into the living room
Transfers from there to the Metra train
He rides the Purple line north

Luke is a little boy
He likes to listen to Queen on the radio
He dances around and around and around
Another One Bites The Dust

Luke is a little boy
He is a songwriter
This is the second song he ever wrote, it goes:

Owl, owl
Jumped on a light
Flew in the air
Jumped on some sweets
Jumped on a candy
Went outside
Drove to Springfield
Track Name: Sex-Change Romance
Some boys want to drive a fast car
Some boys have a need for speed
Some boys want to put her into orbit
But not me, I have a girl who drives like Richard Petty
I park my wagon by her sixty-four Corvette
She drives me crazy when she guns it past another yellow

I let her lead when we go to a square dance
She watches football while I put my hair in
curls, I'll take my chances on my sex-change romance
I stay at home while she goes drinking with the girls

Some girls would rather see an art flick
Some girls want the hero dead
Some girls want a thought-provoking ending
But not me, I have a girl who watches Dirty Harry
At Hamlet, she keeps looking for Mel Gibson's ass
We barter subtitles for subatomic space invaders

I let her lead when we go to a square dance
She watches football while I put my hair in curls
I'll take my chances on my sex-change romance
I stay at home while she goes drinking with the girls

Some boys want to be a rock star
Some boys want to crash the drums
Some boys want to turn it to eleven
But not me, I have a girl who listens to Def Leppard
I'm making room for Cheap Trick in my Crowded House
Three chords from Warrant leave her floating up to ballad Heaven
I let her lead when we go to a square dance
She watches football while I put my hair in curls
I'll take my chances on my sex-change romance
She can be the boy as long as I can be the girl
Track Name: Twins
This rainbow tastes funny
The sunset looks practically monochromatic
Since I went out west

Pizza and Stella and Monday Night Football
Do nothing to fix my testosterone
Now it's all gone wrong that you're gone

Nobody here feeds my chocolate addiction
Magnetic poetry doesn't just write itself

You finish my sentences, top off my beverages
But somehow tonight we're as different as twins
My v-necks don't fit right, I can't match my business socks
References fly over everyone's heads

Red, white, and purple, with chevrons and polka dots
My flag has been flying at half mast for you

A two-hour drive from here into Bellingham,
Bus ride to Portland, a flight to L.A.
Stop over at Stapleton, cell phones and magazines
Soon I will see you but tonight we're as distant as twins
Track Name: Box of Kittens
We must have been doing it wrong,
Heather and me on the couch all summer
Tried every room in the house;
The slide in the park;
The roof in the sun

But every morning she'd wake up fantastic
Heather would swear at the stick and curse the math
Tried every trick in the book
Acupuncture, gravity, and herbal therapy
She turned off the cellphone she kept in her blue jeans
She'd read all about the bad radiation

Every morning she'd wake up fantastic
Heather would swear at the stick and curse the math

I tried to be extra, super-supportive
I took all my tests, and I brought home a present
Heather looked down at her new box of kittens
She said, "very cute, but not as cute as what I wanted!"

Every morning she'd wake up fantastic
Heather would swear at the stick and curse the math

Heather wanted someone she could give a name to,
Someone who came into her bed in the middle of the night
Heather wanted someone she could take a nap with
Someone to adapt her ridiculously serious life
Someone to sing the oh's in Manic Monday
Someone who would one day name her right back

We must have been doing it wrong,
Heather and me on the couch all winter
Track Name: Laura & I
Laura and I are sweeping out the cobwebs on a Tuesday night
She looks the same but I am starting to see her in a different light
She asks, "Did you remember to pick up coffee on the way from work?"
I answer, "Yes," but I think, "did you notice just how far we've grown apart in these three weeks

Laura and I are planting flowers going by the almanac
She's digging deep but I'm noticing the walls begin to crack
"I think they'll bloom this year"
I mutter something back about the rain
But what I mean to say is how long did you think we'll go on acting out this tragic play

Laura and I are
Lying in our bed and we're
Lying in our sleep and we're
Lying with our tongues behind our lips, behind our backs, behind
The walls we've put just to keep each other in

Laura and I are tossing frisbee to the upstairs neighbor's dog
We still talk every day but it's hardly what you'd call a dialogue
She says, "your sister called"
"I'll call her back," I yell across the hall
But what I mean to say is
How am I supposed to do what's worst for us when I'm afraid it's best for me

Laura and I are throwing tantrums off the roof because it's fun
It's good to laugh with her but now the glow is missing when we're done
She says, "let's go and catch that band we saw downtown last Saturday"
I go along, but I think
Is this going to bring us any closer to the place we always had in mind

Laura and I meet up for lunch but we share a breakfast plate
She touches me under the table, just like on our second date
I say "I like that blouse"
She blushes, "This old thing?"
But could she really mean to say that she is truly happy with the way that things turned out for us in our fractured fairy tale

Laura and I are going to stay together 'till the very end

If you like ER, you may also like: